Child Rearing in MPJ

As a followup to yesterday's sunshine and roses, it's time for a page out of HED's Child Rearing Handbook.

Chapter 7-Sticky Kids

Nothing makes me crazier than sticky kids. You know the ones I mean, jelly smeared all over their face from ear to ear, sticky hands that grab you, the furniture, the walls, and in turn spread the sticky. Their clothes are permanently stained from whatever grossness they have chosen for the day. It's like, honestly, have you never seen a washcloth before kid? Jesus.

As parents/caregivers, it's your responsibility to maintain a sufficient level of non-stickiness.

Take me for example; one time my little cousin decided to eat some grape jelly out one of those little packets they have at diners. Eat it with a spoon. Gross. But what do I care? I'm not his mother. However, out of the corner of my eye, I see a huge globful of jelly miss his mouth, fall of the spoon, and head straight for his clothes. My hand reaches out, out of pure instinct and reflex, catches the jelly and before he can put the spoon down, I've marched him off to the bathroom to wash his hands. But wait you say, if the jelly didn't land on him, how is he sticky? I don't care. The point is, he's even less sticky after a handwashing than he might have been.

That's why I've already designed the perfect solution in my mind. My house will be specially equipped with a padded room furnished only with a drain in the floor. Kids make a mess, come in from playing, basically do anything other than breathe, they have to go into the drain room and get hosed off. Padded walls=won't hurt when I blast them with the powerwash.

That's me...ALWAYS Thinking.

Straight Jacket Optional (Obvi)